What Happens When She Gets A New BF?

You’re absolutely pathetic.

How many years has it been?

Your friends and family think you’re so embarrassing because it’s been so long and you still bring her up as if she’s still in your life. As if she hasn’t moved on completely already.

How do you even know she moved on? You want so badly to spill the new details you’ve acquired about your ex’s life without you but that would mean everyone would know you’re studying her social media. How sad.

You try to live a normal life, and yet your routine centers around her. Wake up after a restless night of jerking off to the memory of her laugh, her smile, her perfect being. Her ass when it bounced off your dick. The way she was the only one to tell you to put your babies in her, or at least she did in your dreams. Nobody else ever wanted you, and in the end she stopped wanting you, too. Unwanted and alone, tethered to her presence online. It’s the last line you have to her—she’s blocked your phone number, email, everything. You view her stuff from a burner account. You unabashedly put in the energy to make a whole new account just to keep seeing her face.

You knew she would move on fast. She’s her and you’re you. She’s the type of woman you never get over and you’re the type of loser everyone sees right past. You’re nothing and she’s everything, so how could you blame anyone else for falling madly in love with her just like you did? The day you saw her post her man, something she never did for you, was the darkest day. Obviously she didn’t tag him but that didn’t stop you from combing through her following list to find his very unused, private profile. You stared at another man’s social media for an uncomfortably long time, burning his profile photo into your mind, wondering how you lost her to him.

You like to lie to yourself and pretend you weren’t that bad of a boyfriend, but if you’re being honest you weren’t really a boyfriend. You looked nothing like the guys who had been with her in the past, they were all way richer, hotter, taller, and had a presence you spent your life faking but never quite understood. It was a fluke when she chose you, because that’s a much nicer way of thinking about it than acknowledging the fact that she was simply using you. Why do girls like her even bother associating with guys like you? Why do guys like you just let it happen? She was in it for the free rides, dinners, shopping trips, and personal IG photography, but if she was speaking to her therapist, she’d be very honest and say the real reason: you’re a filler. A distraction in between real relationships with men she actually values. You’re a placeholder until something better comes along, and to say you had no idea of her doing this to you would be an absolute, filthy lie.

You knew she was looking for someone bigger. Better. She never bothered hiding any of her dating app notifications and she got soooooooooo many of them. Her guy friends were all over her and disrespected you as often as they could, telling her in front of your face how beautiful she is and how she could use a real man in her life. You always pretended not to hear, not because you couldn’t fight them if you wanted to, of course you could, you just didn’t feel like it. You never even spoke up when you heard her call you a weak bitch on the phone with her friends, or when her best friend loudly told her he wanted to bend her over and get her pregnant. Who were you to interrupt her having a good time?

You are very aware that there’s no after, after her. There is simply nothing. You don’t exist if you’re not in this woman’s world, and you’ll stay in it even if you’re treated like complete shit for it. You’ll do anything to be a blip on her radar. That’s how you came up with this amazing idea that keeps you in her life way past your boyfriendship expiring and you being relegated to the position of unfuckable ex boyfriend material: it’s not sex if you’re just licking her vagina to clean up after her man finishes inside of her. You live for her pussy and lull yourself to sleep every night with the thought of your tongue entering her. She never let you touch her very often, and practically banned you from getting a boner towards the end of the relationship, so when you did get to lick her you did so like it was art. Sometimes it was obvious it was the only reason she kept you around, the only thing that made you tolerable: the head. This plan wouldn’t be so forward to say you’d be eating her out, but if she just so happened to cum in your mouth too, no one could get mad at you. You’re just doing your job as their newly appointed cum-eating cuck slut bitch.