The Forgotten Ex Turned Finsub, Is It You?
Fuck online dating. You set yourself up for failure the second you saw her. The sun rises just to see her, and sets beautifully in hopes she thinks of him before he goes. She never thinks of you. Nobody does. Your phone is so dry the only time you get a phone call is from Miss Potential Spam. Your mom doesn’t even pick up, why would your ex? How do you get more of a woman who wants nothing to do with you? It all began when you got addicted to checking her social media. You had notifications on for everything, and you habitually jerked off to her IG. Even the wholesome stuff. You couldn’t help being a degenerate, and, like everything else in life, you failed to go unnoticed. She blocked you quickly.
Then you paid her.
You’re not a particularly successful person, you just so happen to find yourself in a well paying job after years of having nothing better to do than study all day long. You’d still be a virgin if you didn’t pay for a woman to tug at your dick a couple of times. She didn’t even insert but you were too scared to tell your friends that. The best part of all of it was when she took your wallet to parcel herself a bigger tip. She left you with nothing and it was the only time you actually felt something. Money comes to you because you work like a dog for a boss who doesn’t give a shit about you, and you give it all to a woman who could give two shits about you too. You’re the toilet of the operation, flushing cash from one boss to another, all in the sad hopes that one day you’ll be noticed.
Are you hardened now that you’ve realized it’s been years since you’ve started paying her, consistently, because once you started she unblocked you almost immediately? Okay, maybe she took a couple weeks, but, that was her communicating to you. You know it. You have to believe it. That’s why you send. Being a forgotten ex turned social media stalker is a full time job. The amount of useless knowledge you acquired by being so studious when it came to a woman who posted without thinking twice. Her boyfriends, her non-boyfriends/studs she used to her advantage. You wondered why you didn’t qualify to be one of her eunuchs. Too ugly with no personality, maybe. Your mind spiraled. You sent more. It became a cycle.
She never acknowledges you. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t waking up hoping her name would be in your notifications. A text exclaiming the huge mistake she made letting you go, that despite your many, many glaring flaws, you were always the one. You’d marry her in an instant, never to lose her again. But it never happens like that for you. Another man gets to wake up to a good morning text from her, not you. And because you stalk her enough to know she doesn’t live with him yet, you know you have limited time before he’s the one who gets to wake up to her ethereality every. Single. Day.
Accepting that you’re a beta bitch didn’t come easy at first. It took a lot of self reflection to realize your place in the world was served better in the shadows, a silent simp, not just for anyone, but for her. How could you ever give her what she truly wants? You may be an idiot but you have enough self awareness to know the best you can give her is your hard earned cash, without the threat of conversation. What could you offer her besides that, really? A gawk, a stare. You wouldn’t even know what to say, warranting an unwanted exchange when all you ached to do was to give to her. You couldn’t bear the thought of going home, alone once again, reliving the pathetic moments where you try to have a conversation with the love of your life, only for her to laugh, turn her heels, and walk away. Why shouldn’t she? Your entire being is an embarrassment.
A wise simp once said to shut up and send, and how could you ever argue with that? You send consistently, you never want her to think for a second you’ve forgotten about her. You don’t want her to worry and think something happened to you. You laugh as you tell yourself these things when you know in reality she doesn’t give a single fuck about you. As her pathetic, forgotten, beta bitch ex, you’ll take what you can get.
