8 Things That Make You A Simp

1) Your eagerness. You are utterly and completely head over heels for me and you don’t even bother hiding it. You wait all day to hear from me and when you do you’re replying back in two seconds. You’d be anywhere and everywhere for me at the drop of a hat. All I have to do is say the word.

2) My word is your scripture. You’re like a little lap dog, dying to please me and lapping up every word I say just to think about for days when I’m not with you. Instead of going on tiktok or dating apps like a normal person, you spend your free time combing through our messages so you can relish in our past exchanges. Sometimes you lull yourself asleep to the sound of my three second audio messages. Romance!

3) Your schedule revolves around mine. If I make plans, all you say is yes. And if I cancel last minute, all you get to do is request for the next opportunity to be in my presence. It’s my world and you just simp in it.

4) Whenever I want something from you, you run to get it. See, I don’t need a butler, but you find yourself catering to all of my wants and needs at any given time. You know it’s not every day you get to spend time with a goddess, so for the very few moments you do, you make it perfect for me.

5) When you do self care, you have me in mind. Working out? It’s because you loved the way I glanced at your arms last time. Skincare? You want to look perfect for the next time I see you. Haircut? You want me to see how well you clean up. Shaving off your pubes so I’ll enjoy putting my mouth on it? A simp can dream, can’t he…

6) You budget for me like I’m your wife. I don’t do any cooking or cleaning and yet you still make sure you have enough in your accounts for my exorbitant daily spending habits. I don’t have to ask. I already have your cards in my wallet.

7) You get jealous but you never say anything. You pretend to hate it but you really love it when I talk about the other dicks that have been inside me, especially when it comes to anal because you’ve never gotten to do that. No woman has ever deemed you worthy of sticking your little thing in their asshole, not that you’d last anyways. You laugh along as I talk about how aggressive, massive and thick each cock has been and secretly get really hard when I do so.

8) You can’t stay away. Even when you’re seething with jealousy, you stay. You’ve tried so hard to find someone and you aren’t even looking for better. Mildly comparable at best. Your standards are ruined after spending time with me because everything about me is simply superior. Your only findings are that my flaws are considered assets to my lack of competition. There will never be another me, and you know this all too well. You’re locked in for life.