The Misadventures of Dickhead: Your Penis Is So Small

Lol.

Look Down.

There’s nothing there. Nothing that would impress the women you really want. Sure, you have money, a career, whatever— and you could probably get somebody if you really wanted and lived out some sad sexless marriage, forever doomed to start the day with fapping your soybean pinclit in the shower before work while your wife alternates between browsing her date for lunch on Tinder and XL tentacle dildos to fuck once you get home.

It’s not the kind of life you want. You want REAL sex. You are a real man… you just have a tiny, pencil-eraser sized penis incapable of pleasing anybody. You don’t want to be the kind of loser beta who wears a sheath just so the person they’re fucking can actually feel something. You don’t want to be the useless pindick loser halfway to climax just for her to be like “okay?? what are you waiting for?? put it IN!!!” You just can’t be that guy. You weren’t made to be a cuckold placeholder husband who kisses his wife goodbye as she gets in the car to go fuck somebody at the four seasons who has a penis worthy of actually penetrating her, not like your joke of a beansprout betadicklet.

What right do you have to anybody’s time without self improvement? How could you keep going on, wanting what you want while existing in complete ineptitude to please the women you really want? You’re not that stupid. You’re not THAT useless. But time is running out because you think you’ve actually met someone, and she’s perfect. You don’t do online dating. You don’t really like putting yourself out there, and even when you do, it’s almost as if you repel women; like they can tell because of how tight your jeans fit around your suspiciously concave crotch, so you spend all your time trying not to be noticed just to look like a weird loser in the shadows. The stakes are so much higher now—she’s everything and more all at once. You don’t even want to want her and here you are, thanking the universe for the day you bumped into her at the cafe you always go to to be solemn and unseen. Or so you thought? She asked you if she had seen you there before and it was over for you. After that, sometimes she would come in and sit at the table next to you and just read. You didn’t think anything of it, until one day she passed you her book by some dead lady talking about how she was so horny she wanted to be burnt* and your lima bean sized ballsack almost exploded on the spot.

You knew what it meant. She wanted you to walk her to the cafe bathroom and fuck the absolute shit out of her. To cover her mouth while you drove into her and made her cum over and over. Finish inside her and keep pounding the cum into her because you both never wanted it to end.

And that’s why you’re going to a new experimental trial aimed to grow unfortunately small dickheads like you. You just want to be big for her.

to be continued

*the dead lady in reference is Delta of Venus’s Anais Nin.