How To Please Women (Because Your Penis Can't)

1) If she wants dinner, give her enough to buy the whole restaurant

2) Enjoy a vacation with her! She gets the penthouse suite, you sleep in the streets outside of the hotel.

3) Bring her to your favorite museum and hang up a framed photo of her. She IS the art.

4) If she has a dog, ask its permission to clean up its defecation. Begging is quite necessary.

5) Buy her new heels! She’ll break them in on your back. Shoeatsu massage.

6) Raining outside? Forget using your jacket on puddles, your whole body will do.

7) Cook her a 7 course meal. You get whatever her dog leaves behind.

8) Oh she hates dick pics? Simply cut yours off.

9) Sell your car so she can buy more shoes and bags. You don’t mind having to walk 30 miles to and from work every day just to earn her even more money, do you?

10) Save on water by acting as her human toilet. Eco-friendly! Bonus: Her dog will follow suit and use your face as a pee pad.