Your Ex Is Fucking Real Dick Now

Remember when you used to try to fuck your ex and she’d push you away, ever uninterested in you? At first she would give you some mild excuses: low libido, tired from work. And then she started getting mean about it: you smell bad, your outfit is weird, and the joke you made three weeks ago is still pissing her off. Finally, she stopped lying: she just didn’t want anything to do with your tiny microscopic pinclit penis, whatsoever.

You always knew you weren’t packing. Even your first girlfriend, a virgin at the time, laughed out loud the first time you pulled your pants down. The next girl you fucked asked if it was even in after you had already been pounding away for five minutes. She thought you were fumbling around down there when actually you had shoved your entire girth into her and she still didn’t feel anything. That was the beginning of the end for you. Since then, your sex life has been a string of one night stands turned ghost, often ending prematurely before either of you came to orgasm. Sometimes you’d come close, closing your eyes and pretending you had a fat monster cock and the look on her face wasn’t pure boredom. But you’d open your eyes and there was your very real tiny shrimp dick, shallowly flailing about within her, barely able to hold an erection it’s so small, and the longest yawn in existence being the only sound she made the whole time. At your darkest moments you convince yourself it was a moan, but you and her both know the truth. You aren’t pleasuring anybody with that thing.

Inevitably she leaves you. There’s no surprise there. You’re too much of a bitch to break up with anyone so you rely on them to do all the heavy lifting. You know that with every break up you come closer to your fate of being that shrimp dicked bitch who ends up alone forever. And if we’re being really honest, the worst sex in the world for her has been the best ever to you. How are you supposed to pine away for a woman who will never want you for the rest of your days? As if you weren’t already an expert.

Of course you lurked her. Of course she publicly announced via twitter that she had a new boyfriend. As your world comes crashing down around you and all the air feels sucked out of your lungs as your peruse her disgustingly filthy tweets, it only gets fucking worse, but you won’t stop. She talks about how absolutely massive he is. How she’s never taken dick that big before. How it might as well have been her first time because nobody else had ever made her feel that way. Nobody else. You were the nobody.

You don’t know what compelled you to start texting her about her new beau. Perhaps an innate sense of patheticness you don’t have the willpower to conceal. Perhaps you just assumed she already knew you were a little bitch, how much worse could her opinion of you get? You were already at rock bottom, and your mind hungered to know. Did he creampie her, like how you never got to? Was it massive to match his giant ballsack? Did it feel good when his giant balls slapped her asshole as he drilled into her holes every night? Was she going to let him, God forbid, impregnate her? You wish so badly you could be him but you know it’ll never be. You never even got to see her cum face once and here he is, getting it whenever he wants.

Of course she doesn’t reply to you. The hours that pass feel like centuries but you dare not pull your eyes away from your text thread, now a sea full of lonesome blue. You came to accept that she was probably fucking him the whole time you were waiting for a single text back from her, and when she finally replied days later, she ignored every single one of your stupid, pathetic, simp bitch questions. Instead, she sent you a photo of the most obscenely huge cock you’ve ever seen in your life. You would have assumed she pulled it from a free porn site, but in the background of said monster cock was her face, enigmatic in every way, just like the day you met her. Her unmistakable lips were puffy and swollen, her eye makeup obviously smudged from taking too much cock. There she was, the woman you’re still so madly in love with, fixated on a big fat monster cock that will never, ever be yours.