The pamphlet’s in your hand. Clinical trials for an experimental procedure to enlarge your penis (or lack thereof) started a month ago. The results were seen rapidly and were 100% successful. But no where in the pamphlet does it explicitly state the procedure was ever about your dick, no. So when you called them asked them if your entire skull was supposed to morph into a giant whopping penis, the clinic just laughed and hung up on you (nothing you weren’t used to).

Your head is shaped like a dick. You’re literally a dickhead.

What does one do when his head turns into a penis? Text his ex, obviously.

Yeah, you’re a piece of shit who still has her number, can’t let go, and texts her probably once every three months saying things you really shouldn’t. It’s so wrong. She still has a couple of your credit cards. You need her to use them so you can still feel like you’re still hers, still under her thumb. She always knew how to spend your money better than you do anyways. She always did everything better than you. She’s the one you know to know what to do with you.

You meet her at the old spot. The one you went to when you first started dating, right after she found out you were tiny and useless in the sex department and could never please her in that way. One time she talked about her ex who made her squirt mercilessly on his dick and how nothing could replace length and girth no matter how hard you tried, all while you were under the table trying to make her cum with your fingers.

She looks at you and laughs. It isn’t the first time she’s done that and the familiarity is kind of nice. She looks annoyingly good. Scary with the eyeliner, pointy heels and little skirt combo. Your head aches. She doesn’t bother asking you what you got yourself into. She just tells you to get under the table, like you’ve done so many times for before. The waiter tops off her wine and you put your fingers inside her. You go slow so that she doesn’t spill or else she’ll kick you in the balls, even though you kind of like that. Your balls used to be bigger than your dick until you went to the clinic. You wait for her to put down her glass and put your big fat head inside her. It’s so wet and you stretch her open right there, under your table at the old spot.