Going On A Date While Thinking Of Another Woman
She’s perfect in every way.
But she’s not her.
You’re not saying your ex was the best thing to ever happen to you… but she kind of was. She definitely was. The thing is, she didn’t even treat you that well. She actually treated you horribly. Everybody around you called her toxic. You called her the woman of your dreams.
On and off. She’d breakup with you just because she knew you were having a good day and wanted to crush you. Then once you got over the grief, cried in your room after scrolling through her shit for hours, days, you’d get a text from her: “wyd?” Those three letters would make your heart soar, embarrassingly so, but you didn’t care. You could stare at that single text for hours. Of course you replied right away. You’re such a bitch for her.
The time in between her toxic texts to you began to increase. What was once a matter of days turned into weeks. Once it was a whole month. You knew your girlfriend was already seeing other men, it’s not like she was flashy about it and posted it anywhere but, you know how she is. Your mind began to wander. A girl at work started to bring you coffee and you didn’t think anything of it. You sipped it mindlessly, numbed into going through the motions at work just to go home and repeat the whole thing all over again the next day. Sometimes your coworker would draw little doodles on the cardboard coffee cups. Sometimes they were cute cartoons of the two of you. You never spoke of it.
Life blurred into moments of being distracted, and trying to distract yourself from the huge gaping girlfriend-sized hole she created. At night you sleep alone and stuff pillows next to yourself so the bed doesn’t feel as empty. You leave the tv on so the apartment doesn’t feel as empty. You cook extra so you don’t feel like you’re eating alone. Her absence was so loud and you would do anything to silence it. So you give in, and you take coffee cup girl out on a date.
Getting ready for a date when you’re jaded isn’t exciting. You roll out of bed and stand in the shower for extra long. Your outfit is boring, all black to mourn your pathetic life and the fact that your actual girlfriend doesn’t want anything to do with you. Black like your soul, you laugh to yourself. It’s the first time you’ve smiled in a long time and you feel like a clown because it isn’t supposed to be this way. You don’t even like coffee cup girl.
You show up half an hour later. Dick move, but you don’t care. If she wants to leave, she can. You’re used to being alone anyways. You hope she’s upset enough to run up the tab before you even get there and leave you with the bill. But no. There she is, waiting patiently, as if she had nary a problem in the world. As if you hadn’t almost stood her up.
She got up when she saw you and smiled. Your girlfriend doesn’t even acknowledge your existence when you enter the room, let alone show signs of happiness. Ugh, you miss her mean ass. “Hi” she says. What the hell are you supposed to do with that? You’re already bored. You’re already ready to leave. You’re kind of excited to spend another night being ignored by your girlfriend. You decide to stay.
The girl at work who brings you coffee every day with personalized drawings and asks you how your day is and if you had any dreams last night is kind of, almost beautiful. She’s more than gorgeous. The way she talks about everything and nothing at the same time, filling all of your awkward silence because clearly you don’t do this very often. The way her worries are nothing compared to yours. She’s never been heartbroken in her life. You doubt she even knows what it feels like to be sad. She’s always smiling, showing you memes that are honestly… kind of funny. It’s the second time you’ve smiled in a long time. You could get used to this.
Somehow dinner with coffee cup girl turns into dessert. And then an hours-long walk to the pier. More long talks about nothing. More laughs. More of the things you haven’t felt in years. A few drinks at the bar beneath her apartment turns into her leading you up the steps to her tiny little abode. Her cat lets you pet it. You put your dick in coffee cup girl’s pussy. Her tight little hole feels so good you cum almost instantly. The load isn’t that big (your forearm is huge for a reason) but it’s still enough to spray all over her stomach. She laughs and runs her finger through it and licks it. You grab a napkin for her and she says thank you and kisses you while you clean her up. Your ex would have kicked you in the face.
That’s the thing. You had one of the best nights of your life with this girl and yet, throughout the whole night you couldn’t stop thinking about your girlfriend. When you looked into coffee cup girls eyes, all you saw was the memory of the times your girlfriend would glare at you, searing into your soul for no reason other than your disappointing existence. Everything you did was wrong but the way she made you feel was so, so right. You could tell coffee cup girl tried to impress you. Her hair done, her nails painted, her lashes long, and her lip gloss pink and perfect. But your girlfriend could show up in a trash bag, hair unwashed and reeking of her own odors and still completely body her. Coffee cup girl did nothing wrong, she did everything right, and you still don’t want her. Coffee cup girl felt good, but the thought of your ex’s face as you dug your cock inside felt so, so much better. You only want what you can’t have.
