There’s nothing wrong with your girlfriend. You just can’t get hard for her.

Your family loves her and she’s the first girl you’ve brought around your friends in forever. It’s been so long since you’ve been in a relationship, your parents were starting to get worried. Everyone else seemed to be getting married and getting pregnant, and you were getting left behind. At least with your girlfriend around now they would all just shut up and leave you alone.

There’s nothing not to like about your new girlfriend. She’s pretty, kind of funny, sort of nuanced in ways most people aren’t. Most guys would say yea, I’d marry her. Most people wouldn’t get why you wouldn’t want to be with her. None of them had been with your ex before.

If you could go back in time, you would, but you wouldn’t change a thing—it would only be so you could be hers once more. Before you met her, you hadn’t lived, hadn’t really seen what the world had to offer. And it wasn’t just the experiences she opened your world up to that made you love her, because you could lay around with her and do nothing only to feel even more enamored. It was the way she walked, talked, dressed, laughed. Breathed. It was everything without being able to put a finger on it. She never even let you touch her the same way your girlfriend begs you to, and it was better this way because you would never have lasted inside of her. The way your ex would say your name drove you so out of your mind and nobody, not even the girl you’re with now, has been able to make you feel a thing.

You are now with your safe option. You settled. You think about your ex every day and you don’t care. It’s been over a decade but it feels like just a few months ago she texted you in the middle of the night only to never reply again. It had been exactly what you had waited years for. You crafted your response to her over and over before overthinking it and saying something so stupid and forgettable you could never blame her for not wanting to reply. And then you double texted her. And then you triple texted her. Just like a fucking idiot.

Your girlfriend is with an idiot who can’t get over his ex from over ten years ago. There is no sex life with your girlfriend now. You can’t get it up for her at all. You have to fake it by running to the bathroom and scrolling through your ex’s social media just to feel something. You can’t even open your eyes when you’re entering your girlfriend’s pussy. You need to picture your ex to stay hard. You shove your girlfriend’s face into the pillows so that you can pretend to hear your ex laughing at you. You have to say her name under your breath in order to cum.

You don’t care if your girlfriend leaves you. You’ve realized by now no matter what you do, your dating life is dead. Nothing is going to be as good as when you were with your ex, so many years ago. Those were your golden years and there’s no chance of ever getting over her, all while you know she’s moved on so long ago. You think about her every day and it’s ruined your new relationship and you don’t have any regrets about it at all, except to have been ruined by her sooner.