1) Recycle your bath water. If the medieval Europeans did it, you can too!

2) “R” Diet: Ramen & Rice. Every Day. If you worked overtime that day you may add one (1) grain of salt.

3) Drink your own pee. Who needs alkaline water when you can have creatinine?

4) Attempt to date women for a free meal. Get stood up with a bill you can’t pay because you sent all your money to me. Suck the waiter’s dick off in the back next to the dumpster.

5) Sell your kidneys on the black market. Go without your essential eternal organs for a lifetime just so I can get a one-time lump sum. Question why the hell you didn’t do this sooner.